“I won’t ask you to do anything, not even be by my side forever. Because if I have to ask you, I don’t want it anymore.” - Frida Kahlo

…👏🏻if I have to ask you, I don’t want it anymore

Sometimes I think we make too many excuses for too many people. Though understanding and empathy certainly do help and are most definitely important, at some point we must start to be realistic in evaluating who we are with, what we deserve, and the reality of a situation. And it’s these simple quotes and lessons, like the Frida Kahlo quote above, that remind us of the simplistic nature of many situations staring us directly in the face.

To whoever reading this, if you need to ask for affection, for love, for compliments, for loyalty, for fidelity, for commitment, for support, for respect, if you need to ask for security, stability, for devotion, then simply the person you’re asking from is not for you, because to the right person—assuming you and they are past the age and emotional maturity of adolescence and very early adulthood and are in the right emotional state for dating—this does not even need to be said.

Let me ask you this: If you knew more than anything your partner was the one for you; if you were happy to have them, if you felt lucky to have them, if you appreciated them and cherished them, if you never ever wanted to lose them, if you were decided on them; would you leave them wondering, for prolonged periods of time, if and why they should ask you for appreciation, commitment, love, attention etc?

The answer is no, certainly you would not. You wouldn’t want to risk losing them. You wouldn’t want to put them in a situation where they’re hurting or thinking less of themselves or insecure in the relationship. You would feel driven from your heart to give to them in many ways. You would want them to know how much they mean to you, to feel appreciated, and to see how in it you are. So take that as a sign for yourself.

If you find yourself in a position of continuously having to ask (or to manipulate in order to receive) gestures or words of love, loyalty, affection, attraction—beyond the misalignment of love languages and not just for “a phase”— then I will tell you now with full certainty that you should not be with the person you’re with, and you deserve more.

Or as Frida Khalo said, “Because if I have to ask you, I don’t want it anymore.” It’s really that simple, and don’t let yourself be told otherwise.

Stop making excuses. Relationships and partnerships don’t exist for you to be unhappy or feeling like you’re always giving more than you receive. You’re not a therapist for you partner and your relationship is neither a charity nor a school of maturity where you are the tutor to a student of a partner.

And if your instinct is to say “maybe they are the one for me but just not right now,” then I will teach you another life lesson: “not the right time” means not the right person!

Either the right person would work with you to make it work regardless, or it really is not the right time, meaning if there was a right time where your partner would be able to make you feel as you deserve, they would BE a different person, not the person they are now. You can’t and should not force them, so you need to let go. Not the right time is the same as not the right person. Don’t date for potential. Don’t try to fix or change anyone to get the love, attention, commitment, passion, gestures and respect that you desire and that others would be capable of giving you.

🧿✨